


Picking up the broken pieces

by Angel_cuties



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-02-14 12:25:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 17,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2191761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_cuties/pseuds/Angel_cuties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From all those disappointments, expectations and pressures, the only relief Oscar could find was in self harm. He didn’t like it but he needed it. What happens when his team mates starts to learn about this hidden secret of his? Will they be there for him?</p><p>Latest chapter: Chapter 22 - Seeking help<br/>Summary: When Oscar takes his self-harm a bit too far, Eden makes the decision to take him to the club doctor and seek help for the boy. Slowly from Mourinho and Terry to the whole team became aware of Oscar’s self-harm issue. Cesc finds himself feeling a bit lost and takes it in his hands to find the truth about what’s happening these days now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The goal of honor

**Author's Note:**

> This is set during the World Cup 2014. During and after the match Germany v/s Brazil.

Oscar could never handle pressure. It always messed with him.  
Neymar was injured. He wouldn’t play against Germany. Heck, even Thiago Silva wasn’t playing, their captain, their leader.  
All hopes were on him. He had to do well. A whole nation’s hope was on him.  
He had to! He needed to!

 

The whistle blown, he tried his best to get past the defenders and score. It was all going well until the first goal. The first goal that came from Germany and not them! He swallowed back the disappointment as he tried to equalize or at least get the ball away from the Germans. But he could feel the disappointment settling in with the second goal. He looked away at David Luiz, his best mate, and shook his head.

 

He had to try and get a goal soon. But then the second goal happened. And then the third one. The fourth one. And the fifth one. His hopes died. They could never get back now.

 

At half-time, he could hear the defeating sigh of everyone. But then Thiago urged them to defend and to at least try and score one goal. The goal of honor! They all looked at him as if urging him to be the one who would score that goal. He had to do it.

 

He tried. He tried his best. But then they conceded the sixth goal. And then it was the seventh goal. He looked at his team mates. They had all as if dropped their arms. He looked in the crowd and noticed Thiago. And then he remembered. They had to score a goal at least. A goal of honor! For Neymar, for Thiago, for the whole Brazilian nation! He had to do it!

 

And he did it! He scored that one goal of honor! Because he had to! But it was wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t enough.

 

He heard the whistle. It was the end of the match. The end of the whole nation’s hopes on the Brazil National team! He fell to the ground and let the tears flow freely. He vaguely remembered someone from the opponent team trying to console him. But he couldn’t be consoled. He remembered Andre Schurrle, his team mate from Chelsea, telling him that he’d done his best. But deep down he knew his best wasn’t enough.

 

Pulling away from Schurrle, he looked at David Luiz. His best friend was broken too. He saw Thiago walking to them. Yup, he’d failed him also! Thiago pulled him in a hug. And though he tried hard, Oscar couldn’t help but break down in tears again in the hug. The others joined in patting his back. But he knew their dreams were shattered. And he couldn’t do anything!

 

The whole stadium’s echoing boos was a big proof. The ride back to the hotel was drown in the boos that were echoing in Oscar’s mind. He needed relief. He needed it!

 

As soon as he got in his room, Oscar ran for shelter. Shelter against the echoes in his mind! Shelter against the disappointment!

 

He needed the relief. And what very few people knew was that Oscar finds relief only in self harm. Sitting in the bathroom, he pushed down his shorts, exposing his thighs. His thighs were the only place he could cut. He couldn’t make cuts on his forearms for fear someone might see, might judge or misjudge him! The thighs were the only place where his dirty secrets could be hidden.

 

Grabbing one of the razor blades, he took a deep sigh and let the blade rest on his upper thigh. He moved the razor closer to his skin letting the metal kiss his skin. He hissed as the cut grew longer and the pain made itself obvious. He did it. Again!

 

“Shit” Thiago cursed as he stood at the door of the bathroom.  
“What the fuck, Thiago?” Oscar panicked, scrambling to pull his shorts up.  
“The fuck, Oscar? You cut?” Thiago asked as if confirming again that he hadn’t wrongly seen.  
“I… I… I d…deserved it” Oscar stammered.

 

Thiago wanted to be angry at Oscar. Angry that the kid believed in such things! Angry that kid didn’t even bother to speak to anyone about it! But then, he realized, after all, Oscar was just a kid! A kid who could never handle pressure!

 

Thiago crouched down in front of Oscar and grabbing some tissues, he pressed it to the cuts one Oscar’s thighs.  
“I never knew you cut” Thiago said, “Does anyone else know?” he asked.  
“Some of my Chelsea team mates know” Oscar sniffled.  
“But why? Why the need to cut?” Thiago asked.  
“I need it. I failed the team, the coach, my family, Ney, you” Oscar said, his voice cracking as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

 

Thiago pulled Oscar in a hug again. The kid was broken. From the inside and the outside!

 

After he had managed to help Oscar clean the cuts and get him back to bed, Thiago decided against going back to his room.

 

“What are you doing?” Oscar asked as Thiago climbed in bed next to him.  
“What does it look like? Look, we never shared a room before and I thought we could share one today” Thiago explained.  
“Hmmm…” Oscar nodded. “Why did you come here, anyway?” Oscar asked.  
“I came to say thank you for scoring that one goal. It means a lot, Oscar” Thiago said.  
“But we didn’t win. It was such a humiliating loss” Oscar whispered, nearly breaking in tears again.  
“No, Oscar! You scored the goal of honor! It meant we didn’t go down as humiliating as it could have been” Thiago explained. “You know self harm is not good” Thiago said.  
“I know” Oscar mumbled, shuffling closer to Thiago unconsciously.  
“Why don’t you talk to any of us when you feel like cutting” Thiago tried offering a solution.  
Oscar nodded though Thiago doubted he’ll ever consider that option. So, he did what he could. He pulled Oscar closer, dropping a kiss on the top of his head as the boy clung to him, gradually falling asleep.

 

But Thiago couldn’t sleep. He heard the knock at the door and whispered a quiet ‘come in.’ It was David Luiz.  
“What’s wrong?” David asked, surprised to see Oscar sleeping next to Thiago.  
“Do you know he self harms? I mean he cuts?” Thiago asked.  
“Yeah, we caught him cutting once at Chelsea” David said, “Did he do it again?” he asked noticing the tear tracks on Oscar’s face.  
Thiago nodded. David sighed as he sat besides Oscar, rubbing Oscar’s back softly.

 

“You know, I’m glad I came here otherwise I wouldn’t have known” Thiago said.  
“He cannot handle the pressure, you know” David said.  
“The only thing we can do is maybe be there for him!” Thiago said looking down at Oscar’s sleeping form.  
David nodded.

 

They couldn’t help Oscar not cut!  
They couldn’t stop him from self harming!  
But they can at least be there for him!  
That’s the least they could do!


	2. The Consolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when the whole Brazil squad learns about Oscar's self harm? Will they understand? Will they help him? Would Oscar stop? Or would there be a second time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the world cup 2014! Before and after the match Brazil v/s Netherlands!

Oscar knew his life wouldn’t be the same now that Thiago knew about his self harm.  
Already David Luiz knew, Ramires, Willian also knew since they were his teammates from Chelsea.  
But now he had a feeling the whole Brazil squad also must be aware.

Walking into the dressing room, Oscar could feel the eyes on him.  
They knew!  
“You told them?” Oscar said turning to Thiago.  
“I told you I’ll help you through this” Thiago simply said.  
Oscar shook his head. He couldn’t stay here. He needed to go. He was about to leave the dressing room when a hand stopped him.  
“Don’t you dare, kid” Fred said, blocking Oscar’s path.  
“Let me go” Oscar said, trying to move past Fred but was stopped by one more person, Hulk.  
“Listen kid, I know you’re embarrassed but you need help. And we all want to help you” Hulk said.  
“I don’t need help” Oscar said.  
“Then you’ll just have to suck it up because we are all going to stay by your side and help you.” Marcelo said.  
Oscar huffed. But deep inside he knew that he needed help.

Things started changing around him ever since the whole Brazil squad learnt about his self harm.  
Thiago would share a room with him.  
David, like always, would try and get him to talk with him.  
Marcelo would try to make him laugh and forget whatever was on his mind.  
Fred and Hulk would be the firm figures behind him if he ever touched something sharp that he could use as a means to cut.  
Paulinho, Bernard, Julio, Willian, they all would stick by his side.

He managed so well to stay without cutting but then the match Brazil v/s Netherlands happened. And it broke every hell again.

Brazil was fighting for their honor. They needed to win the 3rd place. It was their only hope. It was their only consolation.  
But then all hopes were crushed again. They conceded a penalty. Oscar turned around and glanced at Thiago.  
He had to score and win. For the whole Brazilian nation and for Thiago!  
But then he was shown a yellow card for diving.  
It broke him. He wanted to hurry back to his hotel room and cut again.  
But he had to wait for the match to finish. For the humiliation to end!

As soon as the match ended, David came over to him, giving him a hug. Oscar waited patiently for them to get back so that he could cut.  
He avoided every look to get back to his place of safety, of relief.  
It was his luck since Thiago and David were held back for interviews.  
Oscar hurried to the bathroom and pulling down his shorts, he made a cut on his thigh from the razor he grabbed from his bag earlier.  
Oscar sighed in relief as the blood trickled down.

“So, it’s true?” Neymar said as he stood in the doorway.  
Oscar looked up before ducking his head.  
“Thiago had told me that you cut. But seriously? Mate, I thought we were best friends. I thought we could tell each other everything then why didn’t you tell me this?” Neymar asked.  
“I… I…” Oscar stammered, not knowing what to say.

“Did he…” Thiago asked barging through the door but stopped in the middle of his question as he saw the cut on Oscar’s thigh.  
“I’m sorry” Oscar whispered as he watched Thiago press a tissue to the cut.  
Thiago didn’t say anything as he stood up offering a hand to Oscar to get up.  
Pulling up his shorts, Oscar let Thiago help him out of the bathroom following close behind Neymar.

He couldn’t meet the stares of his teammates as they walked back in the dressing room.  
He heard Marcelo’s asking Thiago, “Did he cut?”  
But the blood drops on his shorts were a dead giveaway.  
They all gave him a sympathetic look as they moved to the bus.

Sitting beside Thiago, Oscar glanced up to see the man still not talking to him.  
Leading him to the room, Thiago still hadn’t talked to Oscar.  
But Oscar had enough of it.  
“Why are you not talking to me?” Oscar whispered, the tears gathering in his eyes.  
“I’m disappointed” Thiago said, “Not in you but in me. I’m supposed to be the head of the team. The big brother type but here I am, failing desperately in stopping you from harming yourself.” Thiago said.  
Oscar leaned on Thiago’s shoulder, “But you’re the perfect big brother to me. I swear.” Oscar said.  
Thiago smiled pulling Oscar in a brief hug.  
“You should get some sleep” Thiago said, smiling as he tucked Oscar in.

Oscar had just fallen asleep when David and Neymar walked in.  
“Came to see how he was doing” David said.  
“He’s fine but then can you term this as fine?” Thiago said.  
“I can’t believe he cuts. I’m glad he has you and the boys here. But now that the world cup is over what’s going to happen? Who’ll take care of him?” Neymar said.  
“I’m also worried about that but then David is in Chelsea. I’m quite relieved about that” Thiago said.  
David nodded but then he realized something, “Shit, mate, I’m in PSG now. No longer in Chelsea!” David said.  
“Shit, what about Oscar now?” Neymar asked.

Thiago turned back to see Oscar curling up around his hip.  
This boy really worries him!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this picture in my mind as Oscar being the little brother and Thiago being the protective big brother. A feeling that started since that match Germany V/S Brazil, especially since Thiago hugged Oscar after that match! They gave me so many feels.  
> Reviews/Comments are most welcomed.  
> ~~ Dia


	3. Returning back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oscar comes back to Chelsea. Everything has changed. There’s no David Luiz by his side anymore. Thiago isn’t there neither is Neymar or the Brazilian team. How would he cope? Would he be able to make friends here? Or not…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set just before the start of the English Premier League!

The world cup had been their dream but it shattered badly. But everyone took a lot of memories from here, both good and bad. And now they were all off to their respective clubs. But everyone was worried about only one person; Oscar!

 

Ever since the boys learned about Oscar’s self harm, they had been worried about him but now that they were all returning back to their clubs, it was the actual time to be worried about Oscar.

 

David Luiz had given Willian and Ramires a whole lecture on watching over Oscar. He even urged Paulinho to keep an eye on the boy. Truly speaking, he was really worried thinking that he wasn’t going to be there in person. He wouldn’t be able to be there for Oscar.

 

Thiago, on the hand, tried a different approach. He tried talking to Oscar about his self harm, urging him to find other methods than cutting. He made Oscar promise him that if he had anything bothering him to just give him a call and he’ll try his best to be there with him as soon as possible.

 

Oscar could only nod to Thiago. Ever since his teammates learnt about his self harm, they had been over protective with him, especially Thiago. Oscar made a promise to Thiago, David, Neymar and the rest of the squad that he’ll try his best not to cut but he himself wasn’t so sure that he’ll keep this promise.

 

There were a lot of things on his mind right now. A lot of fears! A lot of reasons to cut! His world cup failure! His place at Chelsea being in doubt now that the club bought Cesc Fabregas! His Brazilian teammates weren’t going to be by his side. Thiago wouldn’t be there. David wouldn’t be there. Neymar wouldn’t be that. And all that was a huge pressure for him. Pressure, something he couldn’t really handle.

 

His only Chelsea teammates that knew about his self harm were David and Juan Mata. But Juan wasn’t there anymore. And he was just the shy boy who wouldn’t open up to anyone else other them.

 

Resuming Chelsea training had been harder than what Oscar had thought. The first person he met was Andre Shurrle. And damn if that didn’t bring memories of the world cup!

 

“Hey, nice to see to ya” Schurrle said, pulling Oscar in a brief hug.  
“You too” Oscar said pulling away with a brief smile as he hurried to the training ground.  
“Something odd with him?” Eden Hazard asked as he made his way to Schurrle.  
“Still shy I see” Schurrle said but Eden wasn’t convinced though he nodded to Schurrle as they made their way to the training ground.

 

That very day Oscar was told that since Drogba was coming back he’ll have to hand over the number 11 shirt to Drogba and take the number 8 one. Oscar agreed but he couldn’t help but be disappointed. He always wore the number 8 and somehow, Oscar’s mind assumed that he was perhaps losing his place, his importance in Chelsea.

 

After training he hit the showers and came out sitting only in his towel as he traced a finger over the scars on his thighs.  
“Oscar?” a voice came from behind him.  
Oscar lifted his eyes up and recognized the person standing in front of him, “Fabregas? What are you doing here? What do you want?” He mumbled.  
“Nothing. What’s those scars?” Cesc asked approaching the boy.  
“Nothing” Oscar whispered as he hurried to put on his clothes and rush past Cesc.  
“Hey, kid” Cesc shouted after Oscar but the lad had already disappeared along the corridors.  
“What’s wrong?” Hazard asked as he watched Oscar run away quickly.  
“Oscar” Cesc shrugged.

 

There was something about Oscar that worried both Eden and Cesc. But will Oscar tell them about his self harm? Would he let them help him? Is Cesc Fabregas trouble or a friend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the friendship between Oscar and Eden Hazard. But recently, Cesc and Oscar friendship is also looking good.  
> Reviews/Comments are most welcomed.  
> ~~ Dia


	4. Troubles in the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oscar’s first two games this season. He is being compared to Fabregas. How does he take it? Who is the next one to notice Oscar’s self harm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during and after Chelsea FC’s first match of the 2014/2015 season against Burnley FC and second match against Leceister City.

Ever since Fabregas joined Chelsea, Oscar found a strange restlessness. He felt as if he was losing his importance. He wanted to prove that he was still good even after a particularly bad world cup and now that the new season was starting, that was the perfect opportunity for him.

 

Just before the match, he was met by Fabregas.  
“Hey” Cesc greeted.  
“Hi” Oscar greeted shyly as he tried to get past Fabregas quickly.  
“Hey, those scars that I saw on your legs yesterday are they…” Cesc asked.  
“They are nothing. Little injuries I got in the game” Oscar lied as he hurried away.  
Cesc didn’t look convinced but he let go of the matter for the time being.

 

Oscar tried to give all his best in the match. He ignored the burns in his thighs as his cut protested. He tried to give all his best but it didn’t seem enough for some reasons. The first goal scored was against them, then Costa equalized, then Schurrle score and after him it was Ivanovic’s turn to score. Fabregas was doing a wonderful job as an assist. Oscar was trying hard to push himself past the limit. 

 

Even Mourinho could see that as he replaced Oscar at the 82nd minute by John Obi Mikel. As Oscar made his way out, Eden thought the boy looked kind of off. He made a mental note that he would talk to the boy after the match. Little did he know how he was about to see the boy.

 

As soon as the match ended, Oscar wasted no time in hitting the showers. More than the showers, he just wanted a cut. He had promised Thiago that he would at least call him when he was feeling like cutting but there was too much on his mind at that time. He wasn’t feeling in shape. He was feeling insecure. And a cut would fix it according to him. Pulling down his shorts he made two cuts and sighed in relief as the blood flew down.

 

“Oscar… Oscar…” He heard someone scream his name as the knock on his door became persistent.  
“Yeah?” he asked.  
“Are you okay? You’ve been in there for a long time” Oscar heard Eden ask him.  
“I’m fine. I’m coming out in 5” Oscar said, hurrying to wash away the blood as he got dressed again.  
When he came out, Eden and Cesc were the only ones outside.  
“Are you fine?” Cesc was the first to ask.  
Avoiding eye contact with any of them, Oscar mumbled, “yeah!”  
“Hey, are you sure, you fine?” Eden asked, wrapping a hand around Oscar’s shoulder.  
“I’m fine” Oscar said and excused himself as his phone rang.  
Eden and Cesc shared a look as Oscar went out.

 

“Hello” Oscar said, as he picked up the call which happened to be Thiago’s.  
“Hey, how are you?” Thiago asked.  
“Fine” Oscar whispered.  
“Oscar, why do you sound so off? Are you fine? Did you cut again?” Thiago asked.  
“You did cut, right?” Thiago asked as Oscar remained silent.  
Oscar spent some time talking to Oscar and he reminded him to call him whenever he feels like self harming. That night Thiago called Willian asking him to constantly keep an eye on the lad. He was really worried about Oscar.

 

For some time Thiago’s talks had made a good effect on Oscar. He hadn’t cut for a while after the match against Burnley. Willian also used to constantly roam around him and keep his mind off the self harm. But then the match against Leceister happened and all hell broke loose again. Again Fabregas was the star of the match. Again Oscar got subbed and this time Willian replaced him.

 

As Oscar made his way out, Willian gave him a tight hug.  
“You were good today. Please don’t do it” Willian whispered. He kinda felt like Oscar would surely cut.  
Oscar could only manage a weak nod.

 

But after the match, he did cut. He hadn’t closed the doors to the shower as he sat on the floor making a deep cut on both of his thigh. The strong blood flow had made him dizzy for a while that he hadn’t even heard someone yelling his name and didn’t even feel two strong arms lifting him up.

 

“Oscar? Oscar?” Eden’s constant shout of his name brought him back to his senses.  
“Ed?” Oscar asked.  
“Yeah, it’s me” Eden replied, a hand still supporting Oscar.  
“Oscar, are you fine?” another voice had him open his eyes.  
“Schurrle?” Oscar asked as his focused on the two people in front of him.  
“Yeah kid! Are you fine? How did you get hurt?” Schurrle asked.  
Oscar looked down quite embarrassed.  
“You hurt yourself on purpose?” Eden asked.  
“You self harm?” Schurrle asked.  
Oscar gave a small nod when suddenly they heard footsteps.

 

“Oscar, are you okay?” Willian asked as he hurried to get to Oscar.  
“Not really” Oscar said feeling quite dizzy still.  
“You cut again?” Willian asked noticing the cut since Oscar was still in his boxers.  
“But why the hell do you cut?” Eden asked.  
“I deserve it. I’m not good enough” Oscar said, a single tear running down his face.  
“Oh kid” Eden breathed out. “You knew about this?” Eden asked Willian.  
“Yeah, David knew before and then during this world cup Thiago came to know. And then the whole Brazil squad came to know after the match against Germany” Willian said.  
“Oscar” Schurrle said crouching down to give Oscar a hug, “I’m so sorry kid.”  
“Not your fault” Oscar hiccupped. Talking about his self harm always made him feel worse than when he would actually cut.  
“Oscar” Eden said as he watched the few tears rolling down Oscar’s cheeks. He tugged the boy up pulling him in a hug.

 

Sniffling softly in Eden’s arms, Oscar saw a figure behind the door that looked quite like Cesc Fabregas. But as he pulled away from Eden, he saw nobody out.

 

Was Fabregas there? If he was there then had he come to know about Oscar’s self harm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long to post this chapter. I hope you all like this chapter.  
> Reviews/Comments are most welcomed.  
> ~~ Dia


	5. Back off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hazard and Schurrle starts becoming over protective of Oscar ever since he learnt about Oscar’s self harm. But what happens when someone tells Jose Mourinho about Oscar’s self harm? Who was that person who went to tell Mourinho? What would be Oscar’s reaction?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason why Oscar wasn’t in the match against Everton.

It had been three days since Hazard and Schurrle learnt about Oscar’s self harm. It was back again like when the Brazil squad had learnt about his self harm. Eden had asked him to come to his apartment and when Oscar declined the offer, Eden turned up at Oscar’s apartment, making himself at home ever since. Schurrle would often drop by and stay the whole day with him and Eden. It was as if they were watching Oscar with hawk eyes.

 

They wouldn’t even let his touch the knife or something. And slowly, Oscar started getting frustrated.

“I’m not a kid you know?” Oscar said as Eden snatched the knife from him.

“Yeah, I know” Eden simply said, “but you’re not touching any harmful stuff.”

Oscar scoffed at him and looked at Schurrle who just shook his head as if agreeing with Eden.

 

The fourth day when he reached training, he saw Cesc looking at him with a worried look. He was about to join the boys in training when he was stopped because of someone blocking his road.

“Coach?” Oscar asked.

“We need to talk” Mourinho said crooking two fingers in a follow me motion.

“Listen Oscar, I think you should take the next match off” Mourinho said.

Oscar stood there mouth open before saying, “have I done something wrong?”

“You tell me” Mourinho said.

“I…” Oscar trailed off.

“Self harm?” Mourinho finished for him.

“How do you know?” Oscar asked.

“It doesn’t matter but what really matters is that you cut, which is really not good for you. So, you’re not going to play the next match against Everton and you’re just going to sit home and sort this mess alright? It’s not a punishment but I’ve been told how you nearly passed out last time when you tried to cut, and you’re still bleeding. I’m giving you this week off to just take care of yourself and please, talk to someone and don’t ever think about self harm. I’ll just tell the press that you’ve got a slight injury, okay?” Mourinho said standing up. He squeezed Oscar’s shoulder. “Listen kid, you can talk to me always, alright?” Mourinho said.

 

Oscar could only nod as he walked out of the office to the training ground walking past the boys as he moved to Hazard and Shurrle.

“Which one of you told Coach about…? Which one of you was it?” Oscar asked stopping in front of Eden and Schurrle. He ignored the other boys looking at him.

“Ed, I swear if it was you…” Oscar trailed off.

“Oscar, it wasn’t me and neither him, alright. We were with you” Eden said.

Oscar turned back ignoring the shouts of Eden telling him to stop as he walked to the one whom he really doubted.

 

Ignoring Eden who was following him, Oscar walked to Cesc and shoving the boy hard as Cesc backed in the wall.

“Oscar?” Cesc asked.

“Were you the one who told him?” Oscar asked.

“Oscar, I don’t really think Cesc…” Eden tried to stop Oscar.

“I saw you that day when Eden and Schurrle found me. You were there behind the door, right? You saw everything. You heard everything. And then you went and told Coach, right?” Oscar asked.

“Yes” Cesc said.

“Screw you! You just back off from me! Alright?” Oscar said and with another shove he walked away from Cesc.

 

_Couldn’t Cesc just leave him alone? Why can’t he just back off quietly? No, he had to come in between and ruin everything._ Oscar thought.

 

“Cesc, why would you do that? We are trying hard so that he doesn’t cut and because of you he might just do it again now.” Eden said.

“He can’t play against Everton, Hazard. His cuts are still bleeding. What if his cuts bleed on the field, huh? And then, don’t you think the Coach needs to know? He should be aware of such things. He can help Oscar” Cesc said, “And don’t worry; he won’t cut because of this. He’ll be too busy blaming me and cursing me to go cut.”

“I hope so Fabregas. I hope so. But don’t do anything that hurts Oscar, alright?” Eden warned.

“Got it big brother. Got it” Cesc laughed.

 

When Eden went to Oscar’s apartment, he was so tempted to check if Oscar had cut or not but then he found Oscar packing his bags.

“What are you doing?” Eden asked.

“Packing, I forgot about Brazil’s next match coming soon. Hey, I can go meet them earlier now.” Oscar said.

Eden shook his head smiling. Oscar’s mood seemed too bright since he was busy telling all about his next Brazil match, so he can’t have just self harmed otherwise he would be lightheaded.

“So Cesc has done a good thing after all?” Eden asked.

“Don’t even speak to me about him. I hate him, alright?” Oscar said.

“Alright… Alright…” Eden said.

 

_Does Oscar really hate Cesc? What is Cesc really trying to do? Help Oscar or take Oscar’s place?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this feeling, of Eden warning Cesc as if he was the big brother warning the boyfriend of his little brother, while writing this story.   
> ~~ Dia


	6. 24x7 I think of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oscar’s really angry at Cesc. If it was in his hands then he would love to remove the chapter called Cesc Fabregas from his life. But then why the hell is he thinking about Cesc 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Why is Cesc always on his mind? He hates him, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after the match against Everton and before Brazil’s friendly match against Colombia.

Oscar was really angry at Cesc.  
What did the boy think of himself? Why did he have to go tell Mourinho that Oscar was self harming? What is his problem?  
“You’re thinking way too loud” Eden’s sleepy voice came through from the other bed. Ever since Eden had learnt about Oscar’s self harm, he and Schurrle would take turn and stay at the boy’s house to keep watch over the boy.  
“I’m not. I’m sleeping” Oscar said, pulling his blanket over his head.  
“Yup, I can see that” Eden said, sitting up to look at the pile of blanket and pillows that was Oscar.  
“I can’t sleep” Oscar said, letting out a defeated sigh.  
“What’s on your mind?” Eden asked.  
“Cesc Fabregas” Oscar said.  
Eden raised an eyebrow at that.  
“I mean, why did he go tell Coach?” Oscar whined.  
Eden sighed. “Listen, he maybe, just wanted to help you out. Seriously, you had passed out due to blood loss; do you think you could have managed to play against Everton?” Eden asked.  
“No” Oscar admitted.  
“And if nobody had told Coach then I’m sure you yourself would have never told Coach, right?” Eden asked.  
“No” Oscar said.  
“Discussion over. Cesc is not a bad guy” Eden said.  
“He is. See he has become the favorite of everyone. Even you are supporting him.” Oscar whined, “At least for a few days I won’t get to see him. I’ll be far from him with my Brazilian friends” Oscar smiled.  
“Oscar, go to sleep. You have to meet the Coach tomorrow before I drop you to the airport. Don’t forget” Eden said, flopping down on the bed again and falling asleep in a few minutes.  
Oscar sat up for a while thinking before calling it a night.

 

“I don’t want to meet the Coach” Oscar whined again. He had been pestering Eden the whole way while Eden drove them to the training ground.  
“Too bad, we’re already here” Eden said, getting out of the car.  
“Do you think the boys know?” Oscar asked.  
“About what? You and Cesc not on good terms. Yup, they saw you shove him in the changing room” Eden said.  
“No. I mean about my self harm” Oscar asked.  
“I don’t think Coach told them. And I don’t think Fabregas would tell either. He is not such a bad guy, Oscar” Eden added.  
Oscar was about to ask one more question when he realized that they had reached the changing room and all his teammates were there.

 

Walking in, he glared at Cesc, the first person in the dressing room. A glare that didn’t go unnoticed by the Captain, John Terry!  
“Can we talk?” John asked Oscar before pulling his aside.  
“Listen I don’t know what’s wrong between you and Cesc but when you get back from the friendly matches, I want things fixed between you guys. I don’t want to witness a spat between two midfielders or a spat between couple!” John said.  
“We’re not a couple” Oscar said.  
“It looks like you are. With the fights and all” John smirked, walking away.  
Oscar was blushing a deep red color and stealing a glance at Cesc, he found the boy just casually smiling at him.  
Why the hell was Cesc so oblivious? Or did he really not care about what people said about them? Or was he just a jerk?

 

“Oscar” Mourinho said walking in the dressing room and motioning to the boy to follow him.  
The meeting with Mourinho had been awkward again as after making Oscar promise that he would talk to anyone when he feels like cutting, Mourinho brought up the ‘Cesc’ issue again.  
“Is there a problem between you and Cesc?” Mourinho asked.  
“Uhm…” Oscar hesitated, “no.”  
“Listen, if you’re blaming him for telling me about you self harming then trust me, I’m glad he told me because I’m sure you would have never told me.” Mourinho said.  
Oscar could only look down.  
“I hope when you’re back it is with a fresh mind set. No more self harm, no more fighting or shoving at teammates” Mourinho said.  
Oscar had the decency to blush this time before making his way out.

 

A look at his teammates and it looked like everybody knew that Oscar and Cesc weren’t getting along. But it seemed like Cesc had no problems with their little ‘feud.’ In fact he was casually smiling and walking towards Oscar. Oscar tried increasing his pace but as soon as he reached the car, he realized he had run for nothing. He still had to wait for Eden to drive him to the airport.  
“Need a lift?” Cesc asked.  
“No, Eden is driving me” Oscar blurted out.  
“Oh ok” Cesc said, a little disappointed.  
Disappointed? Why? Oscar was trying his best to get away from Cesc? And Cesc was behaving normally? What was he trying to do? Trying to fix things between them?

 

“Hey, what’s wrong? Still thinking about Cesc?” Eden asked.  
“Was he bothering you?” Schurrle asked.  
“No, he asked me if I needed a lift” Oscar said.  
“Oh” Schurrle said, both he and Eden smirking.  
“Wipe off that smirk. Cesc is still a douche” Oscar said making both Eden and Schurrle chuckle.  
The whole way Oscar kept ranting about Cesc.  
“For somebody who doesn’t like Cesc he is on your mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” Eden said.  
“I don’t…” Oscar trailed off but couldn’t find the words because that was the truth.  
“Have a safe flight. Have fun with the guys there. And don’t get injured in the match. Don’t you dare cut again, call any of us if you feel like cutting? Don’t over think about Cesc” Eden said, giving Oscar a hug.  
“Stay safe” Schurrle said hugging Oscar.

 

Oscar waved to them as he walked to board his flight.  
Was he over thinking about Cesc? Why was he even thinking about Cesc so much?

 

“I won’t think of Cesc. No. Never. Besides, there’ll be Thiago, Neymar, David, Marcelo and the whole group. They’ll be enough to keep Cesc out of Oscar’s mind.  
But who was Oscar kidding? Cesc out of Oscar’s mind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are people even liking the story so far?  
> Seriously?  
> I hope you all like this chapter.  
> Reviews/Comments are most welcomed.  
> ~~ Dia


	7. A change in feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> However much Oscar tries not to think about Cesc, he just can’t. He thought his Brazilian teammates would help him forget Cesc but it certainly doesn’t help when his teammate voice for Cesc. And what if Cesc makes an apology?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during Brazilian friendly matches.

Oscar thought that being away from Cesc would keep the boy off his mind. He thought that meeting his fellow Brazilians would be a better change for him. Also, he was excited to meet the boys. It was actually a good change for him. He had been able to meet up all the boys except for Thiago. Though the memories of the world cup were still fresh on his mind, it felt better to be surrounded by his friends.

 

“Hey” Neymar greeted Oscar, as he walked in the hotel room that they were sharing.

“Hey, you’re sharing with me?” Oscar asked Neymar.

“Yup, Thiago isn’t here so I thought, I’ll share with you” Neymar said, “looks like you prefer Thiago over me” Neymar pouted.

“No, no… It’s just… Argh… Sorry” Oscar said, sheepishly, “too much on my mind right now.”

“Tell me about it” Neymar said flopping down on his bed, “First tell me, how you are doing?”

“I’m fine.” Oscar said.

“Yeah, did you stop or did you continue self harming?” Neymar asked.

“I did but then Hazard and Schurrle found out and they kind of keep watch over me now so I can’t… Also, the Coach came to know” Oscar said.

“Mourinho came to know? How did that happen?” Neymar asked.

“Fabregas happened! He went and told the Coach” Oscar gritted out.

“Don’t you think that’s a good thing?” Neymar asked.

“Ney, he went to tell the Coach. I felt so embarrassed standing in front of the Coach. I felt so angry at Cesc, I can’t even tell you.” Oscar said.

“Look Oscar, I know Cesc very well. It seems like he was only helping you.” Neymar said.

“I hate him” Oscar said, pulling the blankets over his head as he snuggled down farther in the bed.

Neymar shook his head at Oscar. Neymar knew Cesc very well and from what Oscar was saying, Neymar could only guess that Cesc had surely fallen for Oscar.

 

Neymar had thought about trying to know how Oscar felt about Cesc and if he could get them together but he did not find the time. Instead things took a drastic turn, when Neymar was made captain. Oscar was the first person to become distant from Neymar. He thought it was unfair to Thiago and desperately hoped that when Thiago comes back, the captainship is returned back to him. Meanwhile, it made things bad between Neymar and Oscar, and Neymar couldn’t talk to Oscar about Cesc.

 

The first friendly match against Colombia went with a little struggle and everyone kept an eye over Oscar, hoping the boy doesn’t revert back to his self harm after the match. But the second match against Ecuador went worse for Oscar. While he tried his best to give everything, he was substituted at half time. Oscar took it really bad. And it worried his team mates. But that wasn’t the worse thing yet.

 

With Scolari as Coach, the man knew about Oscar’s self harm and was always encouraging Oscar to not use cutting as a means to let out his frustrations. But with Dunga, things were different. Oscar was already wary of Dunga since he thought it was unfair to Thiago that his captainship was snatched from him but he certainly didn’t thought that he would be standing in front a Coach who would yell at him and tell him, he hadn’t given his best in the match.

 

That was a little too much for Oscar. Though for some time, he had been able to put his self harm to a stop, Oscar found himself walking towards his bathroom door, locking it and grabbing a razor, he was just about to make a cut when his phone vibrated.

_Listen, I’m bad at saying sorry but I just wanted you to stop harming yourself._

_Telling the Coach seemed like the best option._

_I thought he’ll perhaps be able to talk you._

_But still if you think I did something wrong then I’m sorry, okay._

_Just wanted for you to be safe!_

_~~ Cesc_

Oscar stared at the phone for a long time and didn’t even hear footsteps approaching the bathroom. The door was yanked open and Neymar was there.

“Did you cut?” Neymar asked, looking at the razor in Oscar’s hand. “Let me see” Neymar said, tugging down Oscar’s shorts when the boy broke out of his thoughts and swatted away Neymar’s hands.

“I didn’t cut” Oscar said.

“Oscar, let me see” Neymar said.

“Ney, I’m fine. I didn’t cut. I was about to but I got a message on my phone and you reached here till I finish reading the message” Oscar said.

Neymar lifted the shorts a little and found not cuts. “Whose message was it? Whoever it was, I should thank him or her” Neymar said, with a relieved sigh. He was so worried when he heard Dunga scolded Oscar. He knew exactly that the boy would go and cut.

“Him not her. It was Cesc” Oscar said as he walked out of the bathroom and to his bed.

“Cesc?” Neymar smirked.

“Yeah, he was saying sorry” Oscar said.

Neymar snatched Oscar’s phone to look at the message and didn’t miss how Oscar pouted at him.

“Aww… Does he like you or what?” Neymar asked.

“What? No… I… no…” Oscar stammered.

“Do you like him?” Neymar asked.

“No, Ney… I… don’t” Oscar again stuttered out.

“Okay, fine. But if I were you, I would give him a chance. Trust me, Oscar, Cesc is a nice boy” Neymar said.

 

Oscar pulled his blankets over his head trying to fall asleep but he couldn’t.

_What was Cesc?_

_Was he a nice guy?_

_Why suddenly was his feeling for Cesc changing?_

_Why wasn’t he able to hate Cesc?_

_Gosh, how awkward would it be when he would be back from the friendly matches and face Cesc?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like this chapter.  
> Reviews/Comments are most welcomed.  
> ~~ Dia


	8. A new start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playing together meant you can’t avoid someone always. What happens when Oscar finds that he can’t keep avoiding Cesc? Would be a new start for both of them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the 2014/15 Premier League Season’s September and October matches.

Seeing Neymar off at the airport, he nervously shifted from foot to foot as he listened to Neymar’s lecture.

“Don’t let people talk you down, alright? Just don’t listen to hate. And if you feel like cutting, then you just give anyone of us a call. We’ll find a way to be there for you, alright?” Neymar said.

“Yes sir” Oscar said, cheekily before letting Neymar pull him in a hug.

“You take care and keep me updated about Cesc, huh?” Neymar chuckled.

“Ney” Oscar pouted as he waved to Neymar who grinned back him.

 

Returning back to Chelsea was quite awkward for Oscar. He’d just been home for five minutes and was already feeling homesick. _London was awesome but it was nowhere Brazil!_ He’d just sat down on the couch when he heard the doorbell.

“Eden?” Oscar asked, surprised to see his teammate so early at his place. He moved forward to hug the boy when he felt a slap to his head.

“I thought I said to call as soon as you reach” Eden said before pulling Oscar in a brief hug.

“I was about to but you reached here instead” Oscar said.

“Right! How are you? Did you…” Eden trailed off patting Oscar’s thigh lightly.

“I’m fine and no, I didn’t” Oscar replied, cheerily, “why are you here?”

“Come on, you know I love staying with you. Schurrle is coming over too. We’ll have a bonding time.” Eden said, seeing Oscar shaking his head fondly at him, Eden pouted, “what? Didn’t you miss us? We missed you.”

Truthfully speaking, spending time with Eden and Schurrle had Oscar forgetting about his homesickness already.

 

The next day, they were supposed to be meeting for training. Eden drove them to the training ground when Cesc stopped Oscar in the parking lot itself.

“Can we talk?” Cesc asked Oscar.

Oscar looked over at Eden and Schurrle but both boys were already walking away, smirking at the two of them.

“What?” Oscar asked.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. Listen, we have to play together so if we actually weren’t angry at each other, it would be much better for the team and for us also.” Cesc said.

Oscar didn’t say anything instead just staring at Cesc.

“I hope things will get better between us, okay?” Cesc said, clapping Oscar’s shoulder as he walked away.

_It surely sounded like a couple trying to sort out their last night argument!_ Oscar thought and shook his head to dispel these thoughts.

 

Oscar joined his friends again on the training ground and kept a fair distance from Cesc. It was only when training was over that Mourinho called Oscar over.

“So, how were the friendly matches?” Mourinho asked.

“Hmm… Good” Oscar said, awkwardly.

“And did anything happen that I should know?” Mourinho asked.

“No, I didn’t…” Oscar trailed off.

“That’s good but I would appreciate if you also cleared out your differences with Fabregas.” Mourinho said.

Oscar gave a shy nod before leaving.

 

For the next few days, he either avoided Cesc or just simply made as if everything was normal between them specially if they were on the pitch. Oscar would find himself smiling whenever Fabregas scored and would later deny it when Eden or Schurrle would probe him.

 

His teammates had even forgotten that Cesc and Oscar had any problems within them but Oscar never forgot. He’d simply either maintain his distance with Cesc or be completely oblivious sometimes.

 

But the perfect day came during the match when Chelsea played against Crystal Palace. Sure, he would get dragged in the group hug when celebrating a goal whether he scored or Fabregas scored but never did he once felt the same as the day when Chelsea played against Crystal Palace. It was a perfect day for both Cesc and Oscar as Cesc assisted for Oscar and Oscar returned the favor for Cesc. He had hug Cesc twice that day, something Oscar never thought he would have ever done.

 

“I’m proud of you kid” Eden said, ruffling Oscar’s hair as they walked down the tunnel. They noticed Cesc walking towards them.

“Oscar…” Cesc trailed off before Eden cleared his throat and walked away, smirking at both boys.

For once, Oscar didn’t feel like walking away as he would have usually done.

“I just wanted to say thank you for the assist” Cesc said.

“Thanks for mine also” Oscar said.

“So, I guess… Friends?” Cesc asked bringing his hand forward.

Oscar blushed, shaking Cesc’s hand and letting himself be pulled in a hug.

_If that didn’t make him feel like a schoolboy having butterflies in his stomach!_

Was this going to be a new start for something more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos. Please review!  
> Reviews/Comments are most welcomed.  
> ~~ Dia


	9. Head or Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What had started as being enemies turned into friendship but now Oscar found his head and heart in a battle to accept his feelings for Cesc. But what was this feeling anyways? What about Cesc? What does he feel? And what happens when Cesc actually makes a move on Oscar? Would it ruin everything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the 2014/15 Premier League Season.

_It was stupid. He shouldn’t be worried. No!_ It was just a teammate who got hurt. _No he really shouldn’t be worried. Except that he was worried._ Yes, Oscar was really worried when he heard that Cesc picked up injury. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Cesc limping off the ground. _Damn you Terry!_ Thought it wasn’t just Terry’s fault as Cesc also had gone in for the challenge but Oscar couldn’t help but curse at John Terry when he saw Cesc limping off the ground.

 

After the match, Oscar found himself hurrying to go and see Cesc when suddenly an arm around his waist stopped him.

“Where are you hurrying to, buddy?” Eden asked.

“I have to go see Cesc” Oscar said.

“And why is that? I thought you didn’t like him” Eden teased.

“He’s a friend now” Oscar mumbled.

“Really?” Eden teased Oscar. “Go see him” Eden said, patting Oscar on the back.

Oscar was about to go when he heard Schurrle chuckle along with Eden. He stopped and turned around.

“What happened? Why aren’t you going to see your little friend?” Schurrle asked.

“Why should I? He’s just a teammate. We’ll know later if he is badly hurt” Oscar said, turning to go to the showers.

Eden and Schurrle chuckled at Oscar and followed the boy.

 

That night they were supposed to be partying at Drogba’s house. Usually, Oscar felt a little out of place in these parties, he would retreat to a little corner and just wait until someone was going out to slip out of the place. But today he had to wait for Eden to return back. Standing in a corner, he watched as the boys got drunk and laughed around.

 

Lost in his thoughts he kept thinking about Cesc and also kept questioning himself as to why was he so worried about Cesc. His head and heart gave him some conflicting answers. He looked up to see if Eden would be heading out and nearly panicked when he didn’t see Eden.

“Looking for Cesc?” Schurrle whispered next to him.

“No, I’m looking for Eden” Oscar said, pouting at Schurrle.              

“He went out. His brother called him and there was too much noise here so he went out while talking on the phone.” Schurrle said.

“Thorgan called?” Oscar asked. He didn’t know why but whenever Eden talked to Thorgan, Oscar felt jealous. He thought of Eden like a big brother and felt jealous whenever Thorgan was mentioned since Thorgan was really Eden’s little brother.

“Eden loves you both, kiddo. Thorgan also! And you also” Schurrle said, ruffling Oscar’s hair.

“Yeah, I know. I’m going home. See you” Oscar said.

“Hey, no. You wait for Eden. If he doesn’t come back, I’ll drop you home. But no going alone” Schurrle said.

Oscar pouted but nodded.

 

After some time though, he was really getting bored. Looking over at Schurrle, he found the boy talking to Didier. He was about to sneak off when he saw Cesc walk in the party.

“Hi Oscar” Cesc said, walking to Oscar.

“Hi, how’s your leg?” Oscar asked.

“Fine” Cesc said, smiling at Oscar when suddenly Didier pulled him away.

Suddenly Oscar wasn’t so impatient to go home. He found himself sneaking glances at Cesc and giggling to his own self, when the guys made Cesc drink.

 

After a little while though, Oscar couldn’t see Cesc. Worried, he looked around and found the boy stumbling out. He followed Cesc out and quickly came forward to help Cesc when he was about to fall.

“Cesc, careful” Oscar said, helping Cesc walk when suddenly Cesc pinned him to the wall.

“Oscar” Cesc slurred drunkenly and suddenly Oscar felt Cesc’s lips to his.

For a while, Oscar’s head told him he should pull away but his heart let himself get carried off in the kiss when Cesc pulled away groaning at the pain in his leg.

“Shit” Cesc mumbled looking at his hands on Oscar’s waist and at Oscar’s face. “I should go” Cesc mumbled, panicked as he climbed in the cab not far from them and hurried away.

Oscar stood there in shock trying to gather himself. He choked on a sob when he realized that he had just kissed Cesc Fabregas.

 

There was a strange kind of fear that bothered him and Oscar hurried to get home. Wiping at his face, to clear the traces of tears, Oscar grabbed a razor and pulled down his shorts. This time he made four cuts on each of his thighs and just sat there crying out as he watched the blood flow away.

“Oscar, buddy, what did you do?” Eden whispered as he crouched down in front of Oscar. “I thought we were doing progress. It had been long since you cut then why, buddy?” Eden asked as he pressed the towel to Oscar’s cut.

“I ruined everything. Everything is over now” Oscar cried as he felt himself being pulled in a hug by Eden.

“What happened, Oscar? What’s wrong kiddo?” Eden asked, but Oscar just lied there broken in Eden’s arms thinking why had he chosen his heart over his head.

 

_Has everything really been ruined?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos. Please review!  
> Reviews/Comments are most welcomed.  
> ~~ Dia


	10. Quite a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eden tries his best to help Oscar but can he try and get Oscar out of this mess? What about Cesc? What does he really think about that little drunken mess?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League’s Season 2014/2015.

The first few days had been very difficult for both Oscar and Eden. Ever since Oscar and Cesc had that one drunken kiss, Oscar had started self harming again. Eden had a hard time following the boy and restraining him every time he touched something that could harm him. At first he didn’t quite understand why the boy had started self harming again but after asking Schurrle what could have happened that night, Eden had gotten the idea that whatever it was, it must be related to Cesc. Nobody could have such an effect on Oscar except of Cesc.

 

Eden had left just for half an hour and when he returned back, he found Oscar on the floor in the kitchen with the kitchen knife to his already bleeding thigh.

“I have half a mind to take you to the hospital and let them make you see a shrink.” Eden said grabbing the table cloth to press against the cuts on Oscar’s thigh.

“No, please” Oscar said, wrapping his blood coated fingers around Eden’s forearm.

“Then you have to talk to me. You have to tell me why you are doing this again?” Eden asked.

“My life’s ruined” Oscar said, the tears making their way down his cheeks again.

“Oscar…” Eden trailed off as he pulled Oscar in a hug.

  _He’ll have to figure about why Oscar keeps saying that his life is ruined now and that also very soon._

The next day at training, Eden had walked in with Oscar and signaled to the coach that he needed to talk to him. Mourinho had been very upset when he learnt that Oscar had started self harming again.

“What’s wrong, kid? Do you want to see someone professional? Maybe see someone who you could talk to?” Mourinho asked.

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t want to see anyone” Oscar said, nearly close to tears.

“Okay… okay… You take today off, alright? And please Oscar, talk to someone, anyone, but stop harming yourself like that” Mourinho said.

Oscar nodded and went out quickly when suddenly he found himself standing in front of Cesc.

 

Everyone was out on the training ground except Cesc.

“Oscar, listen to me…” Cesc trailed off.

“What do you want to say?” Oscar asked.

“Look that night was a mistake, alright? I’m not gay. I was just drunk and it happened” Cesc said.

“I know. Forget it. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk to you” Oscar said, hurrying out.

 

Cesc bit his lip, looking at the boy who ran off when suddenly he found himself pinned to the wall by Eden.

“What happened that night between you and Oscar?” Eden asked.

“Let me go, Hazard” Cesc struggled.

“I asked you what happened that night between you and Oscar” Eden asked.

“I was drunk, okay? I kissed him. That’s it” Cesc shouted as Eden let go of him.

“You idiot, he had stopped self harming but now he started self harming again. All because of you” Eden shouted.

“I’m sorry. But I’m not gay. I have a girlfriend and I’m about to get married to her. I was just drunk, mate and I had no idea that we would end up kissing” Cesc explained.

“If because of you, anything happens to Oscar then I’ll kill you, Cesc. Oscar is like a little brother to me and I don’t want anything to happen to him. You better fix your mess” Eden said before leaving.

 

When Eden returned home, Oscar was sleeping. The cuts on his thighs were still bleeding slightly as Eden tried his best to clean them without waking the boy up. Looking at the sleeping boy, Eden could only hope that this mess that had just happened gets cleared off quickly.

 

Back at his apartment, Cesc flopped down on the couch and closed his eyes as the scene of him kissing Oscar flashed behind his eyes again.

_Does he have any feelings for Oscar?_

_Or is he just feeling bad that because of him, Oscar had started self harming again?_

_But whatever it was Cesc was unable to remove Cesc from his mind._

_Indeed they were in quite a mess!_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos. Please review!  
> Reviews/Comments are most welcomed.  
> Please let me know what you think of the story so far.  
> ~~ Dia


	11. The outburst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cesc was a happy man. He loved his girlfriend very much. But can’t he get Oscar out of his mind. When Oscar decided to avoid Cesc at any cost, it seemed like a good idea until Cesc starts wondering why this decision hurts him so much. And who is at a greater loss when Oscar finally have his outburst and starts pushing his loved ones away?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League’s Season 2014/2015.

It’s been quite a while since that incident happened. It had been very difficult for Cesc to walk in the dressing room and avoid the stares from Eden and Schurrle. For the first few days, Oscar had taken some days off but then he got back in training and just when Cesc thought that things are going to get more awkward, suddenly he no longer had anything to be worried about. Except that he has no idea why he was still worried!

 

The first day that Oscar got back in training, Mourinho had informed the boys that Oscar had some personal problems right now and he would appreciate if the boys either cut him some slack or surrounded him without trying to overwhelm him. While some of the boys didn’t know what to do, hence keeping a distance with the boy, Terry and some others tried to kept the mood light around Oscar. But Cesc had no idea where he stood. He wanted to talk to Oscar but he couldn’t get past Hazard and Schurrle. But soon enough, he didn’t have to worry about that when Oscar himself decided to talk to him.

 

Wanting to talk to Oscar after a match, Cesc had waited for the boys to leave the dressing room until it was only Oscar, Eden, Schurrle and Willian left.

“You stop right there, Fabregas” Eden warned.

“I need to talk to Oscar” Cesc insisted.

“You’re such a douche” Willian huffed.

“There is nothing to talk about, Cesc. You should go.” Schurrle said, pointing to the door.

“No, there is still something to say.” Oscar sighed. “Cesc, I get it. It was just a drunken mistake. I forgive you but its better that we stay far from each other. I don’t want such a mistake again. Yeah? So, safe distance, huh?” Oscar gave a humorless chuckle, swinging his bag over his shoulder and walking away.

“Stay away from him” Eden warned, jabbing a finger at Cesc’s chest before following Oscar.

Both Willian and Schurrle shook their head Cesc and followed Oscar.

 

When they got home, Eden was still angry. He watched as Oscar made his way to the bathroom and caught him by the wrist.

“Where do you think you’re going? I had enough of this now. You’re not going to self harm again, okay?” Eden said, sternly.

“Leave me. I wasn’t going to. Besides, you’re not my brother or father. So stay out of my problems, okay?” Oscar shouted.

Eden stood there in shock for a while as Schurrle tried being the peacemaker, “Oscar, listen…” Schurrle trailed off.

“I never asked you boys to watch over me. I don’t need you boys” Oscar yelled.

“Fine, do as you want. And you don’t come back crying to me” Eden huffed, slamming the door on his way out.

Schurrle and Willian sighed, both boys following Eden.

 

Cesc was no better when he reached his apartment. “Hey” Daniella greeted Cesc with a kiss as she saw him. Pulling away from Daniella, Cesc went to sit on the couch. “Bad day?” Daniella asked. Cesc gave a short nod, closing his eyes. “I know how to fix that” Daniella chuckled, pressing a kiss to Cesc’s cheeks, lips and trailing down, leaving kisses all over Cesc’s body when suddenly Cesc pulled away, pushing Daniella away.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Daniella asked.

“I need some air. I’ll be back” Cesc said, walking out.

 

Sitting curled up on his couch, Oscar wiped away the angry tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

“That is what I always do. I ruin things” Oscar mumbled to himself, holding on tightly the blade in his hands.

He was about to make a cut when suddenly his door rang. Thinking it to be Eden, he hurried to the door.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted at you” Oscar mumbled before looking up to the person.

“You? What are you doing here?” Oscar asked, “Come on in.”

 

Cesc had been walking outside, trying to forget Oscar but every time he closed his eyes, he would see that face in front of him. Standing with his back to the wall in the alley, Cesc closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Opening his eyes, he saw someone standing in front of him with his face half covered with his grey hoodie but before Cesc could say something, a fist connected to his face.

 

Groaning as he slid down the wall, Cesc couldn’t see the guy’s face properly as he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos.  
> Comments are most welcomed.  
> Let me know if you like the story so far.  
> P.S – Who do you think was the one who punched Cesc?  
> ~~ Dia


	12. The attacker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who punched Cesc? Was it Oscar? Was it Eden? Was it Schurrle? That’s exactly what Cesc has to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League’s Season 2014/2015.

Cesc woke up to voices beside him.

“He is fine though, right doc?” the voice asked.

Recognizing the voice as his coach, Mourinho, Cesc asked, “Coach?”

“Cesc, are you okay?” Mourinho asked as Cesc blinked at to him.

 “I’m fine. Where…” Cesc asked, looking around as he sat up.

“Hospital” John Terry said, “I was at the night club and I saw you in the alley, lying unconscious so I brought you to the hospital.”

“Oh, did you see who the one who jumped you was? Did he take something from you?” Mourinho asked.

“No, he took nothing. He just straight up punched me.” Cesc said.

“Doc says you’ll be fine, just take some rest.” John said.

 

Cesc spent the whole night at the hospital thinking about who that person who punched him could be. Right now considering whatever problems he was having with Oscar, it could be Oscar. Or maybe Eden? Or Schurrle? He would have to find out. Could the soft spoken sweet boy Oscar be that one? Or is it the protective big brother Eden? This was the first thing he had to find out after getting discharged tomorrow. But first he had to reassure his girlfriend, Daniella, that he was fine.

 

The next morning, Cesc got discharged. Going home, he reassured Daniella that he was okay before going to training.

“Cesc, what happened, man? How did you get this bruise?” Cesar asked.

“Got jumped” Cesc said.

“Shit man, looks nasty” Drogba said.

Passing by Schurrle and Willian, he saw them look at him in shock so it couldn’t be them. Could it be Eden or Oscar?

“Hey man, you okay?” John asked him.

“I’m fine.” Cesc assured his captain.

“Are you okay for training?” Mourinho asked.

 Cesc nodded looking around for Oscar and Eden.

 

After training, Cesc found Oscar and Eden talking with each other.

“I’m really sorry Ed. I shouldn’t have shouted at you. You were only helping me.” Oscar said.

“It’s okay. I get it that you were angry at Cesc.” Eden said, wrapping an arm around Oscar, “Frankly speaking, even I was so angry at Cesc yesterday. I thought I would kill him.”

“Then why did you stop short of doing so?” Cesc asked.

“Cesc, what’s wrong with your face? How did you get hurt?” Oscar asked.

“Ask your friend! Maybe he was the one who decided to remove all his anger by punching me last night?” Cesc said.

“What did…?” Oscar trailed off, looking from Cesc to Eden.

Before Oscar could say something else, Eden had pinned Cesc to the wall.

“If I have to hurt you, Cesc, I will do it in front of everyone. And it’s not me who punched you, okay? Though you deserve it” Eden spat out.

Pushing Eden away, Cesc turned to Oscar.

“So it was you? Oh God, Oscar. I get it that I made one mistake. I kissed you. It was a damn mistake. I was drunk. Now that I’m sober, I’ve realized my mistake. I have a girlfriend. We’re soon getting married and I’m sure Oscar, even you want a family. Why the heck did you have to punch me like that last night in the alley of the night club?” Cesc asked.

“I didn’t punch you, Cesc, I swear.” Oscar said.

“You told me to stay away from you right? This time I’m telling you, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME” Cesc shouted at Oscar, before walking away.

Cesc’s words really hurt. Blinking back the tears in his eyes, Oscar sniffled softly when he felt Eden pull him in a hug.

“Hey, he is not worth your tears, okay?” Eden tried consoling Oscar, “let’s go home, come on.”

 

Eden had wanted to stay with Oscar for a while but he got a call from his brother and had to return home.

Oscar assured Eden that he will be fine. Moreover his friend was home so he wasn’t alone also.

Walking in his house, he faced his guest.

“Was it you who punched Cesc last night?” Oscar asked.

“Who me?” his friend, Neymar asked, “of course no baby. You doubt me?”

“No but…” Oscar trailed off as Neymar pulled him in a hug.

“It’s not me, baby. I wouldn’t hurt Cesc.” Neymar said, rubbing Oscar’s back.

“It’s not me” Neymar repeated, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you guys liked the chapter?  
> Thank you for the kudos.  
> Do comment!  
> ~~ Dia


	13. Friend or foe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s easy to say ‘stay away from me’ but can Cesc himself stay away from Oscar. Also, Cesc finally finds out who was the one who attacked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

Cesc had no idea who could have been the one who punched him. Clearly, it could not be Schurrle or Willian. They just couldn’t be the one. It wasn’t Eden because as much as Cesc wants to doubt him, he knows that Eden would rather punch him in front of everyone than doing it an alley in the dark. Also, the man would be torturing him by constantly reminding him of the punch instead of denying it, if it was him the attacker. And though Cesc put the blame on Oscar, he knew it couldn’t be the boy. Oscar was too kind hearted, soft spoken and sweet for that. Then who was his attacker?

 

Thankfully, he managed to avoid his girlfriend, his family and the Coach about who his attacker was. They thought that it must have been someone who knew Cesc was a celebrity and wanted money from him or someone who was not a fan of Cesc Fabregas. But Cesc knew that his attacker was someone who knew him and must have a grudge against him given how his life, currently, is messed up. Unfortunately though Cesc had no one to share his problems and right now he was really jealous of Oscar. All he did was kiss the boy, alright it may have been at a bad moment when the boy was already down and didn’t need Cesc to add up to his problems but really, Oscar had everyone by his side right now. Eden was practically attached to Oscar’s hip not to forget Schurrle and Willian also. Yup, Cesc was actually jealous of Oscar right now.

 

The next day at training, Cesc was still keeping his distance with Oscar. Cesc hadn’t even realized that he was staring at Oscar train along with Eden, Schurrle and Willian until John Terry shook him by the shoulders.

“If you want to train with them you just have to go ask them” John said.

 “Not in speaking terms with them” Cesc mumbled.

“Cesc, you do know that this little fight has been going since too long. And being the Captain, I’ll have to warn you about this affecting our matches” John said.

“Listen I made one single mistake with Oscar but his friends are dragging it too much now.” Cesc huffed.

“Listen man, my only advice is talk it out and settle your differences but don’t let it affect you or the team” John said, clapping Cesc on the shoulder as he went back to training.

 

Throughout training Cesc couldn’t help but keep sneaking looks at Oscar. And each time, Eden or someone would caught him looking in Oscar’s direction, Cesc would simply turn his head back and make as if he wasn’t even looking in that way. He couldn’t understand though why he was always smiling when he looked at the boy. No, he didn’t feel anything for Oscar. He was just jealous that Oscar had friends to support him in his difficult times while Cesc was all alone. He had no feelings for Oscar. Nope.

 

After training, Cesc was returning back to his car when he spotted Oscar smiling widely at someone. He stood there frozen, heart skipping a beat as he watched Oscar gave the man in front of him a hug. Why the hell was he so concerned though? He was about to turn back when he recognized the man that Oscar was hugging as Neymar. Finally, this was a friend that was also Cesc’s.

“Ney?” Cesc said, walking to the small group.

“Cesc, my man” Neymar said, turning to Cesc as he pulled the boy in a hug.

Eden narrowed his eyes at the man, moving closer to Oscar as if Cesc was a danger to the boy.

“Ney, we should totally meet. It’s been long that we’ve talked.” Cesc said.

“Definitely man” Neymar agreed.

“Tonight at the local club” Cesc said.

“See you there man” Neymar agreed.

Returning back to his car, Cesc was glad that he didn’t let Oscar steal one more friend.

 

Back at his house, Oscar was lost in his thoughts when Neymar snapped his fingers in front of him.

“Where are you lost?” Neymar asked.

“Are you sure you’re not the one who punched Cesc?” Oscar asked, “I mean you came here a day before and I told you the whole story about what happened. Then at night, Cesc gets punched while you went to meet a friend.”

“It’s not me, babe. You saw today, Cesc is still a friend to me.” Neymar said, smirking softly.

Nodding, Oscar believed Neymar.

 

As promised to Cesc, Neymar went to meet Cesc. Actually, many of the Chelsea boys were going to the club that night. Sitting at the bar, Cesc saw Schurrle and Willian arrived. Schurrle was wearing a hoodie just like the one who attacked Cesc wore. Cesc watched him carefully but as soon as the boy sat down, Eden and Oscar arrive both of them wearing hoodies. Shaking his head, Cesc sighed. Obviously, it was bit cold tonight so they were all wearing hoodies.

 

“Hey man” Neymar said, sitting beside Cesc.

“Hey” Cesc replied, a bit dull.

“What’s wrong?” Neymar asked.

“You’re staying with Oscar, obviously you know what happened” Cesc sighed.

Neymar nodded.

“I was drunk Ney. I get it the kid was already at his low with his self harm and I kissed him, all hell went loose but come on man, there was no need to punch me” Cesc explained himself.

“Don’t you think you deserved it” Neymar said, coldly.

Cesc lifted his head up, looking at Neymar, not understanding why Neymar was talking like that.

The hoodie, the same height, the same figure, the bruised knuckles, it all made sense.

 

“So you were the one who attacked me?” Cesc said, getting up from his chair as Neymar smiled coldly at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for leaving kudos.  
> Please Comment and tell me if you liked the chapter.


	14. The worst time ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cesc finds himself going through the worst period of his life. Nothing was going right in his life and he just couldn’t bear seeing Neymar and Oscar’s growing closeness. He was so jealous. But why would he be jealous?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

Cesc hurried out of the place as quickly as he can. He couldn’t believe that Neymar was the one who had attacked him. Neymar was the one who had punched him that night in that dark alley. Cesc just couldn’t believe that Neymar, the one who he called as a good friend, was the one who proved to be his foe. At the rate his life was progressing, Cesc was sure he would never be able to make friends or trust any of his friends.

 

As soon as Cesc realized that Neymar was the one who attacked him, the boy had left the club in a hurry. Neymar smirked, returning back to where Oscar, Eden, Schurrle and Willian were sitting.

“What happened?” Eden pressed, wanting to know if Cesc said anything against Oscar.

“Why did he leave? Is he okay?” Oscar asked.

“Relax, Oscraque, Cescy is okay. He just remembered something important to do” Neymar lied.

Oscar shrugged, but found it difficult to believe in what Neymar was saying.

“Can we forget Fabregas?” Willian asked.

“Yeah, I definitely don’t want to talk about him” Schurrle added.

“Gladly” Neymar said, raising his glass for a toast.

This time Oscar felt that there was something wrong in Neymar’s way of behaving. Something was fishy.

 

When Cesc got home, Daniella was sitting on the couch as if waiting for Cesc to come.

“What?” Cesc asked, a bit irritated.

“What’s wrong with you Cesc? You don’t stay at home much. You’re always in a bad mood. You don’t even let me come close to you” Daniella said, sighing as Cesc pulled away from her touch again.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired.” Cesc said.

“Are you cheating on me?” Daniella asked.

“No, I…” Cesc trailed off, “what’s with those twenty questions? I’m tired. I really don’t want to answer your stupid questions.” Cesc shouted, walking off to his bedroom.

Daniella sighed. She just couldn’t understand what was up with Cesc lately.

 

While Oscar was slowly recovering with the help of his friends in these past few days, Cesc’s life was getting worse. From losing his friends to always getting in some kind of argument with Daniella, Cesc was really in the bad period of life. As if this wasn’t enough, his performance in the team was being questioned. He wasn’t as focused in training. Even the Coach had been very worried about his low performance but no matter how hard he tried, Cesc couldn’t get his life back on track.

 

After another disappointing training, Mourinho had taken him aside.

“Listen Cesc, if there is any problem then let us know. If it is something that you cannot tell us then tell Terry or somebody else because I can clearly see that there is something bothering you. It’s not really my business but if it is affecting the team then we need to work on it.” Mourinho said.

Cesc simply nodded, making his way back to the locker room to get changed.

Sitting down to tie his shoelaces, Cesc found the sympathetic stare of Oscar. _Did the boy actually pity him? Or what?_

Not wanting Oscar’s pitiful stare, Cesc walked away.

 

Life was definitely taking some kind of revenge from Cesc as when he reached his car, he heard laughter behind him. Turning to the source of these laughter, he found Neymar along with Oscar and Eden. Making proper eye contact with Cesc, Neymar pulled Oscar in a hug, softly kissing the boy on the top of the head.

 

Watching those two, Cesc found himself getting angry and… jealous? Yup, he was feeling jealous watching Neymar hug Oscar. _But why was he jealous?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do let me know if you liked the chapter or not?  
> Thank you for the kudos and comments!  
> ~~ Dia


	15. A step in the right direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oscar makes a step in the right direction to fix his and Cesc’s friendship but does Cesc wants to be friends with Oscar or does he want something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

Cesc’s life was getting worse than he had even imagined. He was not able to perform well in training. He hardly had any friends considering everyone roamed around Oscar lately. He had lost one good friend to Oscar already and that was Neymar who had even gone as far as punching him for Oscar. Things were getting bad between him and Daniella who had gone back to her parents for a while claiming that until Cesc could sort his life out, she would stay with her parents.

 

As if life truly hated him, he missed his morning alarm making him late for training. He had to listen to Mourinho’s frustrated yells for being late and then he gave the coach more reason to shout at him as he completely messed up during training. Frustrated with his himself, Cesc hit the showers early and waited until everyone had left before sitting in the locker room, and feeling his frustrated tears stinging in his eyes.

 

Cesc was completely lost in thinking about how his life had turned wrong when he felt someone sit next to him.

“I’m sorry. This is completely embarrassing. I’m sitting here naked and crying on top of that” Cesc chuckled sadly as he wiped at his eyes before looking up at the one sitting next to him. “Oscar” Cesc sighed, realizing who was sitting next to him.

Cesc tried to get up but Oscar pulled him to sit down again. “You’re not naked. You have a towel around your waist” Oscar chuckled making Cesc laugh too.

Cesc sighed as he looked up at Oscar, “I’m sorry for having you know… It was just in the moment. I didn’t mean to mess up with you. I didn’t mean for you to start self harming again. I just… I don’t know… I got caught up in the moment.”

Oscar cut him off with an ‘its okay.’

“I’m sorry Oscar. But I’m tired now. My life has gone worse. Neymar’s punch made me realize how really messed up of a person I was.” Cesc let out.

“Ney punched you?” Oscar asked.

Cesc nodded, trying to wipe his tears but it just wasn’t stopping.

“Cesc” Oscar sighed, reaching a hand to gently caress Cesc’s cheek and run his fingers down Cesc’s jaw.

“Now, Neymar likes you and I just don’t know…” Cesc trailed.

“Ney and I are just friends” Oscar admitted.

 

Cesc looked up at Oscar and realized how close their lips were to each other. Cesc closed his eyes as he leaned ahead to kiss Oscar but Oscar smiled sadly as he pulled back.

“Oscar… I’m so sorry… I don’t know how I always seem to do this, man…” Cesc gave a frustrated tug at his hair.

“Hey, don’t do that” Oscar said, pulling Cesc’s hands in his. He reached up to give Cesc a kiss on the cheek. “Let’s not do anything that ruins our friendship, huh?” Oscar said, smiling at Cesc.

Cesc nodded as he smiled back at Oscar.

 

Maybe life would be better now because Oscar had finally made a step in the right direction. Now that they were back to being friends, life would be better, right? But why doesn’t friend sound right enough? Did he want something more than friendship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do let me know if you liked the chapter or not?  
> Thank you for the kudos and comments!  
> ~~ Dia


	16. Getting back on track

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His life was getting back on track but yet there was something in Oscar that was still bothering Cesc. Cesc caught himself staring at Oscar sometimes. He would be admiring that small yet gorgeous physique of the boy. And then, Cesc would have to remind himself not to mess their friendship up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

Finally, things were getting back to how it was before. Ever since Oscar made a step of friendship towards him, Cesc noticed how things got back to its best. Now that he didn’t have the guilt of ruining Oscar’s life eating him up or the useless feeling of losing his friends, Cesc was actually doing much better. His life was getting back on track but yet there was something in Oscar that was still bothering Cesc.

 

Thanks to Oscar, his friends had also returned back to talking to him. Schurrle and William accepted to give Cesc one more chance but Eden did have some troubles to forgive Cesc. He agreed to talk to Cesc but not before warning the boy that if he ever harms Oscar, Eden would brutally murder him without any regret. Before returning back to Barcelona, Neymar had met up with Cesc with a similar warning like the one Eden gave Cesc. But there was something that Neymar said that kept ringing in Cesc’s ears.

“Are you sure you kissed Oscar just because you were drunk? Is that the only reason? Listen to your heart properly and think well, is there no other reason?” Neymar had asked, chuckling at Cesc’s blushing face.

 

Cesc caught himself staring at Oscar sometimes. He would be admiring that small yet gorgeous physique of the boy. He would hear Terry and Cesar’s chuckles that would make him tear his eyes away from his teammate. If they scored a goal and had a group hug, Cesc always found himself trying to stay longer in Oscar’s hug. Often he’ll catch himself staring at Oscar when the boy got out of the showers. Again and again he’ll be staring at Oscar, his eyes, lips, as if they had an attraction magnet that attracted Cesc towards them. And then, Cesc would have to remind himself not to mess their friendship up.

 

Cesc could not explain why he felt immense relief when Oscar said that he wasn’t dating Neymar. Cesc just couldn’t understand why his stomach did a flip on that news. In training, Cesc would always try to get Oscar as partner and that left many of his teammates confused since some time ago, Oscar and Cesc wouldn’t even look each other in the eye. The assists to each other in matches continued as both started improving in their game. Mainly, both of them had gotten back to being friends.

 

Even Daniella had noticed that Cesc’s mood had considerably peeked up but there was still one thing that Daniella couldn’t understand. She couldn’t understand why Cesc was refusing all her advances. Every time, she tried to pull Cesc in a kiss, the man would recoil back and try different excuses to get out from her hug. The man would use ‘tired from training’ or ‘not in the mood’ to get away from any physical touch with his girlfriend while on the other hand, Cesc was using every opportunity to pull Oscar in a hug. Whether it was a goal celebration or just a good pass in training, Cesc would be looking for occasions to at least touch the boy.

 

Eden had also noticed the advances that Cesc was making towards Oscar and he decided to talk to Oscar about it.

“Isn’t Cesc being too lovey dovey with you?” Eden asked.

“What are you talking about?” Oscar asked, confused.

“The hugs in training, the goal celebrations that just doesn’t end and the sweet talkings” Eden explained.

“Oh come on Ed, he’s just being a good friend” Oscar said, walking away to go train with Cesc again.

“Good friend? Why are you so naïve baby?” Eden sighed as he promised himself to keep an eye on this Fabregas guy.

 

After training when Cesc got back home that day, he looked around the house and found himself alone. Then he remembered that Daniella had gone to visit her parents. Pulling out his phone to call Daniella and ask her if she reached fine, Eden found himself stopping at Oscar’s name in the phone. Instead of calling Daniella, Cesc texted Oscar.

_Cesc – ‘Are you free tonight? We could meet up for dinner?’_

_Oscar – ‘Yeah! 8 o’clock sounds good?’_

_Cesc – ‘I’ll wait for you there. The local place right?’_

_Oscar – ‘Okay :)’_

Sitting at the restaurant, Cesc for once thought that Oscar wouldn’t come but then he saw the boy walk in. He ordered on behalf of Oscar to avoid causing the shy boy any embarrassment for which Oscar had been very thankful. They chatted with each other as Cesc once again got lost in admiring the boy sitting in front of him. He didn’t even hear the phone ring as Daniella tried to contact him. Frustrated, Daniella left a message.

_Daniella – ‘Thank you so much for not asking!!! Just letting you know I reached safely okay >:<’_

 

Unaware of the texts, Cesc was finally laughing out loud as he chatted with Oscar. Both boys happy in each other’s company. Life was actually getting back on track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do let me know your views on this chapter?  
> Thank you for the kudos and comments!  
> ~~ Dia


	17. Kissing under the mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a while, Cesc forgot that he had a girlfriend. For a while, he just listened to his heart which led him straight to Oscar and that’s how the two of them found themselves kissing under the mistletoe at John’s Christmas party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

Cesc had never thought that there would be a day when he would be crazy about a certain boy named Oscar. But that was exactly what was happening to him lately. He would even sometimes forget that he had a girlfriend and would act totally like a school girl in front of Cesc. At the beginning, Oscar was the one who would blush around Cesc but lately Cesc caught himself blushing when he was in company of the boy. Something was definitely stirring up in his heart.

 

Cesc had completely forgotten Daniella and during the time that Daniella wasn’t here, Cesc used all of his free time to go on dates with Oscar or bring the boy home. During their ‘dates’, he managed to bond over well with Oscar and whatever Cesc had thought in an ideal partner, he could find it in Oscar and not in Daniella. His relationship with Daniella was a rushed one and Cesc hadn’t really thought that he would find his perfect partner in Oscar and not Daniella. Somehow, Cesc could feel himself falling for the very boy that he was distancing himself from at the beginning.

 

Some of their teammates had definitely noticed something between the two lads but their suspicions were confirmed on Christmas Eve. John had thrown a pre Christmas party at his house and all the lads gathered around at his house. If Cesc and Oscar sat a bit closer to each other, the boys didn’t think too much about it. If Oscar was blushing when Cesc wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close then except Eden’s stare, no one said anything.

 

As the boys got in the festive mood and the bottles started opening, Eden quickly pulled Oscar away.

“You and Cesc are in a relationship?” Eden asked.

“What? No…” Oscar sputtered.

“Oscar, I can tell you’re lying” Eden warned.

“Not lying. We just decided to put our grudges behind and move on. He’s a good friend actually” Oscar said, moving past Eden to join Terry and the others.

“He’s so in love with Cesc” Willian said.

“And Cesc too looks smitten” Eden said.

Both boys sighed as they shook their head.

 

As the boys raised a toast for Chelsea, for John and for many other things that Oscar lost count of, he felt a tug on his arm and let himself be led away from his teammates. Cesc stopped right in front of the Christmas tree and pulled Oscar in a kiss.

“We shouldn’t do this” Oscar mumbled, though he wasn’t pulling back.

“I wanted to do this since a long time now” Cesc said.

“You’re drunk. You might regret this.” Oscar said, smashing his lips once again to Cesc’s.

“I won’t as this time, I’m not drunk.” Cesc said, before softly whispering, “I love you, Oscar.”

“I love you too” Oscar found himself repeating.

 

The two of them broke away from their kiss as Willian whistled.

John said, “Cesc and Oscar kissing under the mistletoe?”

Oscar had the decency to blush as he hurried to get back to his teammates.

John chuckled joining the boy back.

Cesc was about to follow them when Eden stopped him.

“Just don’t break my boy’s heart” Eden said and when Cesc gave a nod, Eden pulled him in a hug.

 

Eden followed the others as he left Cesc to check his phone which beeped right when Eden and Cesc pulled away from the hug.

_Daniella – ‘I’m home honey. Come back quickly. We’ll celebrate Christmas’_

Groaning, Cesc shut off the phone as he joined Oscar back. He let the nagging feeling that kept reminding him that he might be cheating on someone as he let it be replaced by the feeling that he had just kissed Oscar under the mistletoe. It was the best feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do let me know how you found this chapter.  
> Hoping that you all liked it.  
> ~~ Dia


	18. Heart set on you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cesc had finally made his mind. His heart has chosen Oscar. But in order to completely accept Oscar, he needed to break up with Daniella. Everything was going well until that one news came that threatens to destroy everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

Over this Pre-Christmas party, Cesc had finally understood what he really wanted in life. His heart seemed set on Oscar. This party had finally gotten Cesc to decide what he really wanted. And every heartbeat of his seemed to have only Oscar’s name written on it. For once, Cesc’s thoughts were clear. He had made his mind.

 

On his way back home, Cesc had given it a good though. His mind, though, seemed made up on Oscar. But in order to really accept Oscar, Cesc needed to get rid of that nagging feeling concerning Daniella. Cesc, even though, did not want to hurt Daniella, he also didn’t want to cheat on her. In such situation, he could find only one solution and that was to leave Daniella. He made up his mind that he needed to break up with Daniella and the sooner the better.

 

As soon as he reached home, Cesc had wanted to speak to Daniella. But as soon as he stepped inside, Daniella pulled him to the room. He somehow managed to push her away.

“Listen Dani, we need to talk.” Cesc said.

Daniella didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk but Cesc was adamant.

“I’m really sorry but I don’t think we can continue like this anymore” Cesc confessed.

“Are you serious? You’re speaking about breaking up with me?” Daniella asked.

“I’m sorry” Cesc mumbled.

“No, you’re not.” Daniella shouted, “Who is she? Who have you been cheating with on me?”

“It’s not a she. It’s a he” Cesc admitted.

Daniella stood there dumbfounded as she watched Cesc walk away.

 

Over the next few days, Cesc felt much better. Ever since he told Daniella the truth, Cesc no longer felt burdened by the guilt feeling that used to keep nagging him. He felt free. His mood had considerably lifted and after training, he had been impatient to share the news with Oscar but the boy was now the one who looked worried.

“What happened to you?” Cesc asked.

“I gave it a good thought Cesc. We shouldn’t really be together. You have a girlfriend.” Oscar mumbled.

“I broke up with her” Cesc said.

“Really” Oscar gasped, then adding, “I shouldn’t be so happy, Oh Lord.”

This time Cesc couldn’t help but chuckle as he pulled the boy closer.

 

Oscar had considerably changed his life. The once moody and pouty Cesc had found his smile back. But the smile faded as soon as he returned home. Daniella, who at first had said that she’ll be leaving the house soon was sat on the bed, clutching a paper.

“Listen I don’t want to be mean but you said you’ll be leaving. I’ve been thinking of bringing my partner home and trust me, he is just like a baby. I really need to get this guy home quickly. He really cannot take care of himself” Cesc chuckled but soon grew serious when Daniella glared at him.

“I’m pregnant” Daniella blurted out.

 

Stood at the foot of the bed, Cesc couldn’t understand what to feel. This couldn’t be happening. Not to him. Not to them. And definitely not right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people are still liking the story.  
> Thanks for the kudos/comments!  
> ~~Dia


	19. Not fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cesc confesses to Oscar about Daniela’s pregnancy and later has to watch the truth tear them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

It wasn’t fair to Cesc. It wasn’t fair that just when he felt his life was getting back on track, things decide to go completely astray. But you know what was even worse? It was the fact that he couldn’t blame anybody but himself. He couldn’t blame Daniella for being pregnant. He couldn’t blame the baby who was yet to be born. After all, it wasn’t even the baby’s fault. It was just the wrong time. But unfortunately, everybody was going to pay the price of that. Cesc, Daniela, the baby and most importantly Oscar was going to pay the price of that.

 

Cesc had stormed out of house as soon as he heard the news. He didn’t know how to react. He ignored the missed calls from Oscar, not knowing what to say to the boy or rather how to face the boy. He had no idea what to do now. He, who was thinking about making Oscar move in with him, spend his life with the boy now, had now come back to square one. This pregnancy news was going to bring lots of consequences now. But now that he couldn’t think of something, Cesc did the only thing he could, he avoided the situation itself. He avoided Daniela but mainly he avoided Oscar. But how long was he gonna run away from the consequences.

 

Oscar had no clue why suddenly, things got bad between him and Cesc. Cesc had promised that he doesn’t regret what’s between them but since the past few days, Cesc had been avoiding Oscar. Oscar had tried his best to make things right between them again but situation just kept getting worse. Even the boys at Chelsea could sense that something was up. Cesc’s form had dropped considerably and so had Oscar. Heck, even the Coach had noticed the tension and advised Cesc to just sort things. And that’s exactly what he did.

 

Cesc admitted the truth. He had a sit down and talk with Oscar and blurted the truth of Daniela’s pregnancy to Oscar.

“You cheated on me?” Oscar asked.

“Does it matter if I say it was during the time that you and I weren’t together?” Cesc asked.

Oscar sighed.

“Listen, I love you. I don’t want to lose you” Cesc admitted, “Daniela and I were already considering moving out.”

“But the baby…” Oscar trailed off, “it’s not fair to the baby.”

“It’s not fair to us” Cesc shouted.

 

Cesc knew Oscar had a good heart but right now was definitely when he wanted proof of that. As soon as Oscar learnt about Daniela’s pregnancy, he distanced himself Cesc. After all, he didn’t want to be the reason why a baby’s parents had to separate even if that meant that he had to separate from his love. Even if it meant that the truth had torn them apart. Even if it means that it wasn’t fair to any of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still liking the story, for every kudos and comments.


	20. A castle of lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cesc and Oscar go their separate ways while fighting off the need to stay together. On the other hand, Cesc starts having doubts about Daniella’s pregnancy. Not long enough, Cesc starts questioning himself as to whether he was living in a castle of lies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

As he had expected, Oscar took his distance from Cesc as soon as he learned of Daniella’s pregnancy. It certainly wasn’t fair to both of them who had already planned to move in together. But Oscar was determined to not become the reason why an unborn baby would lose its father. Even Cesc had to accept that decision because no matter what he feels about Daniella now, the child would keep them two together for a while.

 

This decision of not being together had started impacting their career too. While Oscar struggled to keep on his form, Cesc was slowly losing himself in his own shadow. He was struggling to make an impact on the game, on the coach, on the fans and in his life itself. His life had become a monotonous one between struggling to keep his eyes off Oscar at training, struggling to give a good performance during the matches and returning back home to Daniella and trying his best to keep the woman, if not happy then at least not become the cause of her unhappiness. After all, she was carrying his child. He had to keep her happy by all means.

 

But then something started bothering Cesc. It had been three months now. Chelsea had been fighting to become the Premier League Champions. Cesc was fighting to show the world his talents. But in that three months, there was something that hadn’t changed. Daniella was showing no signs of pregnancy. She wasn’t showing. She didn’t go through the morning sickness or anything that he heard the boys complain about their wife during pregnancy. Slowly, Cesc was starting to have his doubts on that woman.

 

Cesc had yet to voice out his doubts though. It was only when a fight broke out between the two of them that Cesc accused the woman of lying.

“Are you even pregnant?” Cesc had blurted out at Daniella.

“What do you mean? Of course I am” Daniella had panicked, “You’re only saying that because you want to run off to your boyfriend.”

The way she avoided making eye contact, paled at the question, sweated profusely and changed the topic quickly had Cesc’s doubts somewhat standing out.

 

On the other hand, Oscar was trying his best to stay away from Cesc. He avoided every of Cesc’s calls. He didn’t stay long anywhere near the man. Matches and training were the only time when they would have to act like all is good between them.

Sensing the mood drop in his younger friend, Eden had taken the boy out for dinner. Sitting by his table, Oscar waited for Eden to return from the bathroom when he spotted Daniela. She sat a few tables away with someone. Oscar thought it was Cesc but when he looked closer he found it to be someone else.

Oscar let go of the matter, thinking it might just be a friend of the woman when he saw Daniella take a sip of alcohol and later walk out of the club, heavily drunk.

_Didn’t she know alcohol wasn’t good for pregnant women?_

When Cesc had returned home that night, he did smell the pungent smell of alcohol. And this time his doubts were only building up. “Why would she drink if she was pregnant? Alcohol during pregnancy isn’t good for the baby” Cesc thought out loud.

 

Cesc had no idea what was going on in his life. Was Daniella even pregnant? Or is she just building a castle of lies around Cesc? Cesc could swear he was going crazy between the truth and lies! Was he living in a castle of lies?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people are still liking the story.  
> Thanks for the kudos/comments!  
> ~~Dia


	21. Doubts and questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After another run in with Daniella, Oscar starts worrying about hers and Cesc’s baby. He lets his worry be known to Cesc when the two of them meet up at Cesc’s house. Unfortunately, Daniella walks in on them and manages to turn Cesc against Oscar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

Since the last few days, Daniella’s actions had been really bothering Cesc. He slowly started having doubts about Daniella’s pregnancy itself. He tried confronting Daniella on several occasions but the woman was quick to change topic or rather blame Cesc’s infidelity whenever the man would question her. Cesc had no other option than to drop the issue and just worry about the baby but his minds was still clouded with doubts.

 

Meanwhile on the other side, Oscar had been struggling to push away thoughts of self-harm. It had not been easy for him to stay away from Cesc. Eden and Willian had watched over the boy like a hawk, trying to keep the boy away from harming himself. It wasn’t easy. But little did they know that all their efforts were about to be ruined as soon Oscar, Cesc and Daniella all came face to face and Oscar was the one who came out worst during that confrontation.

 

Oscar had accompanied a friend of his to the hospital when he saw Daniella. Assuming that the woman came for her pregnancy checkup, Oscar hadn’t thought much of it. But as he made his way out of there, he collided with Daniella. “Hey, careful” Oscar said, helping Daniella gather her documents that had fallen down. “Thanks” Daniella mumbled. “You should be careful with the pregnancy and all” Oscar suggested. In a second, Daniella had paled as she asked, “Who told you that I’m pregnant?” “Cesc, of course” Oscar said. “Oh” was Daniella’s only answer as she hurried away from there. If it looked any suspicious to Oscar, he didn’t say anything.

 

While Daniella had been out again with her friends, Cesc had brought Oscar to his house. All he wanted to do was sit down and talk with the boy. Eden had warned Cesc about Oscar’s self-harm relapse happening all over again because of him and Cesc deemed that a sit down and talk was necessary between the two of them since he was the only one who could stop Oscar from going down that road again. Unfortunately, this was going to prove as a wrong decision on Cesc’s part.

 

While the two of them sat down talking, Oscar let it slip as to how he’d seen Daniella at the restaurant with a male friend. Oscar had made sure to specify that his only concern had been Daniella consuming alcohol during pregnancy. While talking, Oscar also made Cesc aware of how he had met up with Daniella and how she looked suspicious to him. “I care about the baby” Oscar said. Cesc couldn’t help the smile that crept on his face. It was only a matter of seconds before Oscar felt Cesc’s lips attached to his. Daniella chose the exact moment to walk in.

 

“Oh my god” Daniella gasped. “I can explain” Cesc offered. “So he is the one you’ve been cheating on me with” Daniella asked. “Daniella” Cesc chided. “And he surely must be the one who brings the questions to your mind since you haven’t stop questioning my pregnancy these past few weeks” Daniella said. Cesc sighed, shaking his head. “I didn’t…” Oscar trailed off. “He saw me at the restaurant and then at the hospital. I’m sure he filled your ear against me. How jealous could you be of me?” Daniella faked a sob. Oscar shook his head, looking over at Cesc but when he found the man’s eyes filled with questions, Oscar realized that he’d lost his man.

 

That night, there had been no Eden, no Willian, no one to stop Oscar when he took the blade to his thighs again. Oscar’s relapse couldn’t be stopped this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still liking the story, for every kudos and comments.


	22. Seeking help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Oscar takes his self-harm a bit too far, Eden makes the decision to take him to the club doctor and seek help for the boy. Slowly from Mourinho and Terry to the whole team became aware of Oscar’s self-harm issue. Cesc finds himself feeling a bit lost and takes it in his hands to find the truth about what’s happening these days now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the English Premier League Season 2014/2015.

Eden sincerely took Oscar as his little brother. It didn’t matter to the man if he already had little brothers. He always felt that Oscar was very similar to his own baby brother Thorgan. That might be one of the reasons why Eden had quickly taken the boy under his wings. But the main reason, of course, was that the boy definitely needed some protecting. With the self-harm and the heartbreak, Oscar clearly needed a big brother presence in his life. And Eden was glad to step up to that role for the boy.

 

It must have been that same big brother instinct that told Eden that something was wrong with Oscar. He had rushed to the boy’s apartment only to find the boy with multiple cuts on his thighs.

“Oscar, why buddy?” Eden asked as he tried his best to clean the cuts on the boy’s thighs.

“Daniella knows about me and Cesc now. Cesc hates me. She made Cesc hate me now” Oscar could only sob out in Eden’s arms, a bloody hand reaching around to hang on Eden’s shirt.

That’s when Eden noticed that along with his thighs, Oscar had made two cuts on his wrist too.

“We’re going to see the club doctor. Come on.” Eden said, helping the boy up as he led him to his car.

He ignored the boy’s cries and protests since this definitely called for professional help.

 

When they reached the club, the doctor was quick to help patch up the broken kid. Meanwhile Mourinho had called Eden to his office for a much needed talk. Eden left Oscar’s side only after the boy fell asleep under the effects of the medicines as he made his way to the Coach’s office. That’s when he noticed the presence of their captain too.

“This is a bit too much now, Eden. You boys told me he got personal problems which is why he self-harms but I never knew that he has so many cuts. His thighs has so many cuts. And now his arm too? I want to know everything, Hazard. Everything” Mourinho insisted.

This time, Eden told Mourinho everything about what happened between Cesc and Oscar.

The identical sigh from Mourinho and Terry spoke volumes.

 

When Oscar woke up, he found Eden sitting next to him with a soft smile on his face. Turning around, he found Mourinho and Terry there too.

“They know” Eden admitted when he saw the question in Oscar’s eyes.

In return, Eden got two tearful eyes who quickly shut down as tears rolled down the boy’s cheeks.

Oscar felt a hand squeeze his knee and looked up to find their captain, John give him a somewhat warm and comforting smile.

“You’ll be fine, kiddo.” John assured him, “We’ll help you.”

Oscar let his eyes flutter close, trying hard to cling onto the sense of comfort for the time being.

 

Training the next day was hell for Eden, John and Cesc too. Daniella had had a complete melt down at home and Cesc had been utterly upset that Oscar’s words had gotten Daniella in such a state that wasn’t good for their baby. And for Eden and John, seeing Oscar in that state had been an absolute mess for the boy. Upon Mourinho’s insistence, John informed the boys that Oscar was not too well. He did tell the boys that Oscar had taken to self-harm but didn’t mention the reason why. They had all dropped by the treatment room, offering some hugs and good wishes to the boy. The only one who stayed back was Cesc.

 

“Stay away from him” Eden warned Cesc.

“I wasn’t going to approach him either” Cesc said.

“You really feel that Oscar would try to create distances between you and your girlfriend?” John asked Cesc.

“He was saying lots of things against Daniella. She cried so much last night. Look, I care for my baby, man.” Cesc said.

“Good for you. But you know being the captain, I care for my team and teammates. Last night, how I saw Oscar, now I can’t bring myself to say anything to you.” John sighed.

Looking in the room, Cesc found Oscar sleeping with a white gauze around his wrist and clearly his thighs were wrapped up too. If something pulled at his heart, Cesc tried his best to ignore it.

 

When he got back home, Cesc allowed Daniella to pull him in a kiss. He forced a smile to his face as he patted Daniella’s stomach before looking up to the woman, “how about we go see the gender of the baby tomorrow?” The look of shock on Daniella’s face had Cesc more determined to find the truth behind what’s happening these days. If not for himself then definitely for Oscar, he needed to sort things out now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt like continuing the story.  
> I would be glad for kudos and comments.  
> Let me know if people are still interested in the story or not.

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever fic! Please be kind!  
> Reviews/Comments are most welcomed.  
> ~~ Dia


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